


Nefarious

by annabeth_at_the_helm



Category: MASH (TV)
Genre: Drinking, Humor, M/M, Watersports, it's not graphic or anything, pranksters, pulling one over on Frank, well watersports adjacent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:21:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24221995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annabeth_at_the_helm/pseuds/annabeth_at_the_helm
Summary: "No, no, I won't." Frank Burns crossed his arms over his chest even as Hawkeye tried wheedling with him.Or, Trapper and Hawkeye ply Frank with beer for nefarious purposes.
Relationships: "Trapper" John McIntyre/Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce
Kudos: 5





	Nefarious

**Author's Note:**

  * For [shadesofhades](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadesofhades/gifts).



> written for "mistrusting" on my Get Your Words Out Yahtzee prompt set #4.

"No, no, I won't." Frank Burns crossed his arms over his chest even as Hawkeye tried wheedling with him.

"Just taste it, Frank," Hawkeye said. Trapper held up the full can of beer. "There's something funny about these cans of beer, Trap and I are sure of it, but we'd like your opinion."

Trapper could see Frank waver, but then he tightened his crossed arms and frowned even with his lack of lips.

"I don't think so," he said self-righteously. "You nincompoops won't get me this time! I won't let you trick me into drinking liver oil again!"

"It was only the once," Trapper said, fighting a smile. Hawk glanced at him, a clear warning to shut up, but Trapper had already said all he planned to.

"Look, it's really just beer," Hawk said, "Trapper will demonstrate. Trap?"

Trapper obediently drank a sip of the beer—which really _was_ just beer.

"He could be faking," Frank said, peering at him mistrustfully. "It's probably that swill you call gin. Well, nope! I'm not a ninny!"

Hawk and Trap exchanged a pointed glance; if there was anything that Ferret Face was, it was definitely a ninny. He was also a snitch and a pain in the ass. Still… Trap had to admit that he and Hawk had exhausted their current repertoire for pissplay, and it seemed like fun to convince Frank to join in.

Under false pretenses, of course. Frank wasn't supposed to know what they were up to.

"Fraaaank," Hawk drawled, "just _try_ some. It won't bite." He grinned gleefully when Frank leaned forward to cautiously sniff the can.

"I don't know what you two daffy doodles are doing here, but you know I can't hold it if I drink too much beer, anyway! What _are_ you up to?" He scanned both of their faces, but if Trapper and Hawkeye had been that easy to read, a lot of pranks would have been found out before they ever pulled them. Not that Frank was hard to fool.

Trapper shot a look at Hawk, who squinted back at him in his approximation of a wink, and Trapper casually covered a smile by putting his chin in his hands. They almost had him; time to reel him in.

"I'll take your shift in post-op," Trapper offered; Frank stared at them, glancing back and forth, obviously still vacillating. Finally, he nodded.

"But I'm not drinking the whole thing!" he cried, and grabbed the beer can. But Hawkeye and Trapper had prepared for that too; they knew how much Frank _liked_ the taste, even if he thought drinking was a sin.

In three gulps, he finished the can. "I guess it was true," he said, and belched. Hawk sniggered, and Trapper just kept covering the lower half of his face.

"Have another," Hawk said, and Frank, totally on the hook now, reached out for the can.

Which was why, a quarter of an hour later, Frank pissed his pants, to Hawk and Trap's sensual delight.


End file.
